Dream Place

I wanna go to my dream place. I had a car, a not so nice car, its slow and uncertain, meaning im not sure how long will it take me or if it can bring me to my dream place but you know i love this car so much and i wanted to bring it with me in that place. So I drive using that not so nice car, along the way a good car offers me a ride, this promise me a fast travel and a definite view of getting in that place however i have to leave my car before using it. 

I was wondering how important is that place over my not so nice car. How am i supposed to live in my dream place without my not so nice car. So i pause and think forward, my tears began to fall, I can’t imagine my life without that not so nice car, but oops something struck me, what if my not so nice car stops in the middle of our travel and there is no available car for me, what will happen to me? Nonesense both brought me into confusion or should i say both brought me to a RISKY MOVE IDEA. I cant weigh the situation. Im stuck up. But I still have to decide and its urgent.

In some other point of view the situation is so easy, Be practical, choose the good car, but its not that easy coz the not so nice car has a value to me and i cant leave it especially in its condition.  All i have is a hope that somehow this not so nice car will be sensible enough to target what i target, and pray to God that along the way, there may be rough roads, He’ll help us get in that dream place.

 What will be the essence of that dream place if i wont have  my loved-not so nice car….

 But what if  i get tired and loose my hope and my joy is starting to fade.

web projects

Despite of all the troubles in my life i am gladly saying that i have worked properly… I have finished one project with kelly which is called jambisyoso site… It’s a blog site for a certain person name james… I am so happy and blessed that i have met kelly, atleast i have something to be busy at and its really rewarding, not just the money i gained but most importantly the experienced that i get in doing it… By the way this is the second project i had with kelly, the first is canada mortgage… when he first offer me this job i was really hesistant but through kelly’s encouraging words i was convinced to… and it pays off, i enjoyed it… Thanks to kelly, that he actually trust my gift as a programmer… I am looking forward to have a lot of projects with him….

And despite of all the loneliness i gladly say that i was able to reprogram the cms of htbc website… It’s wonderful isn’t it…

insecurities

“I am too insecure that’s why the devil plays in my mind”…

Insecurities produces worries, pain, suffering and etc…it never bring good things in our lives.. Its a trash that we need to throw… a thought that we shouldn’t linger on… 

That so-called insecurities is slowly killing me … It’s hard to fight it but i need to… 

Boredome

Some says work is hard to find especially at this time of crisis that’s why i keep on fighting my boredome daily. It wasn’t easy but its something that i am required to do due to a lot of complications in my life. This job is so important to make me live but why i still get bored. Probably because i’m idle most of the time, i dont like to be toxic but i dont like to be idle either for a long period of time or maybe because some of my work doesn’t fit me, i am not good in preparing reports, i am only into programming , though reports comes seldomly but still i feel as if i will always screwed up  whenever i do those things, hayzzz

Ofcourse i still have the will to love and enjoy this work after all this is God’s blessing. I remember I ask the Lord before to give me the work that I wanted since i step in college and enroll for BSCS. Though my expectations are not all met, still i would say this work cultivated me alot and help me discover what i can do and what skills God has given me. The skills that i treasured and i believed can still be expanded through experience and God’s grace .  But will i get that experience here? i hope so and i f not i hope God directs me into where i belong, to a place where i can maximize my skills, where i can be useful and can sustain the way of living that i dream of.

 I’m still waiting, deciding, thinking, measuring and praying for the next step.But definitely i have to do the next step that’s on my mind right now…

immeasurable

so much happiness that finally i came to a point of being atpeace. it’s a nice feeling that i dont store garbages on my mind… i may say i have reach a certain level of maturity in terms of handling my emotions…

Contentment, acceptance and faith are the keys that i am holding on right now to maintain that kind of peace and happiness… And it’s a great feeling… i dont wanna drop it but hold it till the end… No way to return in the days of wondering and wandering…

Focusing towards the one you love is more important rather than focusing on what’s gonna happen… Its nice to be happy rather than worry… It’s nice to feel the love no matter how intense or not so intense than not feel it at all…

Clueless

at this point in time, i am clueless but happy…The future is a big question mark… i wish i can have a glimpse of my future or even have the power to control it… But then its not possible… all i have to do is wait and see on what or where tomorrow can bring me… I guess that’s the challenge of life… So for now, all i want is to enjoy what i have and let the day passed without considering if tommorow i’ll wear the same smile, the same hope… Fear haunts me everyday but i choose to live life one day at a time… live as if happiness is endless… live as if hope never ceases… live in a dream that it’ll be ok, it will be in a way i want it to be… it’s beyond optimistic… it’s doing what i can do now to make my ultimate dream come true and trusting God that He doesn’t return something that later on He’ll take away… I have to believe in the destiny that i was brought to… the destiny that i choose to go through… the destiny that i want to be my destiny forever…